The cycle of acceptance

This series is about Kyoto and the cycle of acceptance

The breakthrough of my spiritual journey. I was working on this series for months and It was a dark time during this working process. In the past two months, I paused and evaluated all my feelings and emotions. Just took this moment to sit with my feelings and breath. Practice self-compassion and recognize my emotions.

Last December, I went to Kyoto for the first time and this is also the first trip after the pandemic

I remember the fresh air and the cold wind, it was so refreshing. The mountain trail walking in the afternoon and the sun shining through the trees was beautiful.  Sunshine plays a major part in my paintings. I like to collect memories with colors and shapes that I can put on the canvas. 

I came up with the 6 stages of acceptance. It was, received, chaotic, untangled, acceptance, adjust-reset, and the last one healing.

  1. Received: It could be any situation like anything that makes me feel stressed/unwell/anxious/uncomfortable/panicked/sad/angry… etc. – The job, the relationship with loved ones, family, or friends, the past trauma, relationships.
  2. Chaotic: the turbulence of emotions, anything can affect me. Even the small things can trigger me so easily. This stage can feel extremely overwhelming and unstable. Felt like everything was falling apart and I found it difficult to calm down. It felt like drowning and I couldn’t breathe. My mind was a fag and my heart becomes a bomb.
  3. Untangle: Journal all my thoughts and feelings. Writing is a way of clarifying certain situations. It helps me clear my mind and understand myself better. This phase can be a bit triggered by past events and situations. I talked to my best friends and family to help me through this process. It is very important to talk with someone trustworthy and they won’t judge you for who you are. 
  4. Acceptance: slowly working toward reality. Acknowledge the unfinished situation that I cannot t be able to fix or find a better way to solve it. The past is already in the past there is no solution but right here right now. When my mind is racing again I will pause and focus on breathing.
  5. Adjust-reset: During this time, I tried different kinds of exercise, I do qigong, Taichi, yoga, and running. My mind was like a nonstop train to no destination. I used to meditate every day but now I can’t move past the emotions. A friend told me to try to meditate again and focus on 10 seconds a day.  I focus on breathing and counting the numbers while I doing the meditation. Sometimes I used guided meditation and peaceful music to calm my mind. I let the pain and anxiety come up and sit with it for a while. After mediation, I journal all my feelings and thoughts. This method is for understanding my emotions so that I can be able to label my feelings.  For example: Which emotions am I trying to avoid right now? Why am I trying to hide from this emotion? Why do I get triggered by this situation? 
  6. Healing: Sometimes healing might feel like breaking at first. I slow down the temple of my life and find my inner peace. It is important to form good habits during this stage —- Drink water tea, practice qigong, recuperate, rest/break the ordeal, and make peace with me. I determined to put myself first instead of everyone not in a selfish way but in self-loving decisions. Trust the healing process and let the fear go. Sometimes feelings come and go and come back again. It takes the courage to find out what remains and go into deeper transformation. 

This is how I see things.

All the memories we had, the good or bad, the laughter, the warmth, and the love. 

I will let you take a piece of me

Reaching out

All the things we left

I remember I remember it all

All the paintings are available

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